|Recently I've made a concerted effort to keep my rants relatively angst-free, however I think I need to tell you a few things about how I'm going: Physically and mentally.
Last Monday I went into hospital for a full endoscopy and biopsy on my gastrointestinal tract to try and work out why I've been feeling so rotten for the past year. It turns out I have diverticolosis and a hiatus hernia - both relatively benign and typically asymptomatic, but in my case they've conspired to produce a heavy cocktail of nausea, bloating, localised pain and general discomfort. I can't remember the last time I felt good (without being heavily medicated). The surgeon also removed a few tissue samples for testing, so I'm seeing him again in a few weeks time to discuss the results and talk about the next step.
On top of that, I've already mentioned that I need to have all four wisdom teeth removed.
Meanwhile, I've been finding college extremely tough. It's not so much the volume of work that's bothering me (though it does get me down at times), it's more the general vibe. Perhaps my expectations were too high, in that I was hoping to be surrounded by fellow artists and story-tellers in a vibrant, creative environment, like when I was at University. Instead the college turns out to be a business like any other, and many of my fellow students just want to get the training they need so they can enter the work-force afterwards. Perhaps that's just how tertiary education works these days, but it has come as a huge disappointment, nonetheless.
Perhaps toughest of all, however, has been college's impact on Crimson Dark. I'm not happy updating only once per week, and I think it's having a detrimental effect on how I'm going about telling the story. Furthermore, readership has plateaued over the last year, even diminished slightly. Advertising revenue has dropped dramatically and donations have ceased almost entirely. More often than not, producing a new page feels like work rather than fun.
This all came to a head yesterday when, in a moment of weakness, I decided to put Crimson Dark on hiatus until I finish college.
A few hours later I changed my mind.
It only took a few hours to realise how uncomfortable that decision made me - it really felt like I had just lost a loved one. I couldn't endure another year of college without Crimson Dark to keep me sane, with out you, dear readers, to encourage me. Last year, during the hard times (and there were some VERY hard times), I can't begin to describe how important it was to know that you people are still reading and enjoying my work.
So Crimson Dark continues for the forseeable future. I can't guarantee that I will never take a hiatus - I may well change my mind again as I gear up for my Final project at college towards the end of this year - but for now I'm intent on making this work... somehow. At the very least, I'm making it my goal to not take a break without first finishing the current chapter, I owe you that much.
That's where I am at the moment, thank you for indulging me.
Tomorrow is my first day back at college, with a class titled "NEM201 - Managing New Media Projects". If I were hit by a bus on the way to class, I don't think I'd mind all that much.